He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
