i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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