I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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