I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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