the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
