I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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