found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
