Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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