So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
