Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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