The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
