You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
