One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize