i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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