You made me cry and you don't even care
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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