whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
