before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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