it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
