I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
