we're chasing vodka with high fives
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need a beard to bite.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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