I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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