I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize