If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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