I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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