just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
