his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
