I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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