I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
