I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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