You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
