i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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