Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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