that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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