Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
