So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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