Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize