her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
