i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
two words...techno handjob
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
