I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
