like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
