Whod you bang
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize