I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Small penises have feelings too.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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