I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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