when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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