dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
