Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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