I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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