false alarm. still invincible.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my being single is dangerous.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
