I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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