Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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