I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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