Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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