Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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