I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
