Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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