i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize