is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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