I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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