What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
