this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
