One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
