about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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