If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
