You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
