she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize