i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
