Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
