He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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