mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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