I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
