Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
