haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
