Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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