Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
