Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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