what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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