God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
