Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
