I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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