my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My ass is underappreciated
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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