final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
