im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
