i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
