she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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