Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
