what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
