Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize