Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
