I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
