can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
