Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize