Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
