you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
