He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
