It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
