she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
