new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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