He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
