Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
