Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
