I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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