You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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